Friday, August 22
why can't I just...commit suicide and be done with it dammit. starting to feel like the only option of escape. loved ones don't want me cutting, I don't feel like writing...in my journal, where it actually does the most help, I mean...I don't wanna talk about it to much, makes me look like the pathetic sympathy seeking bitch...my parents can't help...I don't have shrink yet...
dammit suicide suicide suicide.
I found the perfect support beam in the basement to hang myself. and also I know how to do a hangman's noose, something I've always wanted to do.
or else I could close the bathroom door. and fill the tub up with warm water. light some candles and turn light off. I'd have a knife. make 1,2,3 cuts on the vein of my right wrist. do the same to the left. then maybe I'd just bleed to death. oh! I know what would be good. read "cut" as I die, then have it face down in the water to cover my genitals...I was always modest about that. she'll have not left a note, she never was one for writing notes to people. well, maybe there will be one note, telling Brent to go on with his life, and that she will love him forever. maybe she will've put hello kitty bubble bath in the tub. maybe, maybe...
but no. I won't commit suicide. I just kinda wish I could sometimes. ok? ok.
dammit suicide suicide suicide.
I found the perfect support beam in the basement to hang myself. and also I know how to do a hangman's noose, something I've always wanted to do.
or else I could close the bathroom door. and fill the tub up with warm water. light some candles and turn light off. I'd have a knife. make 1,2,3 cuts on the vein of my right wrist. do the same to the left. then maybe I'd just bleed to death. oh! I know what would be good. read "cut" as I die, then have it face down in the water to cover my genitals...I was always modest about that. she'll have not left a note, she never was one for writing notes to people. well, maybe there will be one note, telling Brent to go on with his life, and that she will love him forever. maybe she will've put hello kitty bubble bath in the tub. maybe, maybe...
but no. I won't commit suicide. I just kinda wish I could sometimes. ok? ok.
# posted by Alyssa : 8:51 PM
